Sunshine here we come...

Mommy & Baby Perks apologize for the lack of posts over the next five days...but we don't feel too bad because while you're working hard (or wasting your time blogging/facebooking/emailing at work) we'll be lounging by the pool.

 

He he he.

Fun Fruit Friday!

You guessed it...time for your favorite bambino produce update...

 

[caption id="attachment_164" align="aligncenter" width="425" caption="Baby Perks is 19 weeks old!"][/caption]

 

And the timing of this week's comparison couldn't be more perfect.   Tomorrow I will head to a place where the mangoes are plentiful.  A place where the leathery skin on wrinkly old men swallows the beaches.  A place where golf carts outnumber SUV's.  A place where the palm trees are growing and the SPF is flowing.  

If you haven't been staying up with LIFOP, then let me clarify.  The place I'm headed is not a retirement home.  Although quite frankly, my vacation to Ft. Myers, Florida might as well be to a retirement home because all I intend to do while I'm there is sit by the pool, play checkers in the afternoon, and eat the delicious Chicken Pot Pie that my fantasitc 85 year-old Nana has been preparing for weeks in honor of my arrival.  

So-since this will be Baby Perks' one and ONLY in utero plane ride...we've been having lots of pep talks these days.  I wanted to be clear that  he/she needs to keep the in utero summer saults to a minimum during our take off and landing.  I want to make sure the first time I feel my little one moving it's the real deal.  I don't want to mistake a stomach-dropping take-off or a bumpy landing for the pregnancy milestone which I'm looking forward to with such anticipation.  SO-we've come to an understanding that he/she is going to take a nice long nap from the time we leave for the airport on Saturday morning in Columbus until the time Mommy Perks is finally lounging out by the pool in a super-cute new maternity bathing suit.  

And BY THE WAY... Baby Perks is FINALLY being compared to a sweet, delicious, and exotic fruit.  Of course these are all adjectives any doting parent would be proud to hear if used to describe their little squirt.  Especially exotic.

Ya think we can pull it off?

I just looked out the window and it's pouring down rain.  Happy Wednesday.  BUT...just a few more days and I'll head down south to a place where I'm sure to soak up some sun.  In honor of mine and Baby Perks' impending in utero visit to Florida...here are a few shots of Mommy & Daddy Perks from last year's visit...

 

 

And to think...the next time we head down south together, we'll be taking a stoller (and a baby) with us.  

Shake What Your Mama (And Daddy) Gave Ya...

As a first-time-Mommy-to-be...my mind is constantly wandering about the impending arrival of our little one.  It's hard not to let your thoughts be consumed by the reality that in a few short months another human will literally turn my world upside down.  (In a good way of course!)  Part of the exciting anticipation of Baby Perks' arrivial is imagining what traits and characteristics our bambino will inherit from each of us.  Assuming we don't have one of those awkward "must have been the milkman's baby" or "did we take home the right baby from the hospital?" situations...(you know what I'm talking about right?  Those babies that look NOTHING like thier parents.  The ones that literally have everyone whispering and thinking... "this can't be their kid-can it?")  Well-assuming we bequeath the the good, the bad, and the ugly to our little one...here's what I'm hoping he/she gets from each us.  And also, here's what I'm certain he/she's bound to have whether they like it or not...

*The thickest/waviest hair OF ALL TIME.  This is a trait that's not even in question.  If you know Mommy and Daddy Perks, then you know this baby is destined to have "a head of hair."  In fact, the hubby and I giggle about it often-thinking "Holy moly-our kid is screwed."  They're either gonna be summoned by Loreal for shampoo commercials (best case scenario) OR be the laughing stock of the school because they've got the type of fro that just ain't meant for a white kid (worst case scenario.)  *Point of reference...for those of you thinking-Mommy Perks-you've got great hair...PLEASE know that I was COMPLETELY bald until the age of 2.  No-not 2 months old, 2 YEARS old.  That's right people...the girl you know and love with the thick, wavy, donate-to-Locks-of-Love head of hair, was rockin' the bald look for the first two years of my life.  Sometimes good things come to those who wait.

*We know he/she WON'T have brown eyes.  According to my (very little) knowledge of recessive genetics, it's impossible for two parents with blue eyes to have a baby with brown eyes.  (If I'm being 100% accurate, Daddy Perks actually has one blue eye and one "depends on the day/what color shirt he's wearing" eye.  It bounces between blue, green and hazel.  So correct me if I'm wrong all you doctors out there...but I'm pretty sure I'll be falling in love with Baby Perks' baby blues...

*I'm hoping  praying Baby Perks' gets my skin tone.  No offense Daddy Perks, you've got a lovely complexion-but unless our kid wants to bathe in SPF 50 at all times, I'm hoping he/she inherits my ability to soak up the sun and be outside for longer than 7 minutes before his or her skin suffers 3rd degree burns on a rainy day.  

*I know Daddy Perks has to be praying that our little one does NOT inherit my volume control issues.  (You're thinking...define "volume control issues.")  Well, how do I put this?  Frankly-I'm loud.  It's been an ongoing challenge for anyone who has had the esteemed pleasure of being around me-ever.  (I'll take this moment to apologize to anyone who has ever had to live with me...my husband, parents, siblings, college roommates, my upstair neighbors, etc.)   Let me try to explain.   When I was in high school my bedroom was in the basement and I'd be talking on the phone when I'd hear my parents yell from their bedroom (on the second floor of the house) "Can you please LOWER your voice?  The rest of the house does not want or need to hear your latest breakdown of yesterday's Dawson's Creek episode."  Is that pitiful or what?  When I did my student teaching-my advisor had one (and ONLY one) bit of  "constructive criticism" she lent me..."Well, when you're teaching dear, you might want to try and monitor your volume-you're a bit loud. It's alright honey, when I was teaching,  I often had trouble turning off my teacher voice too."  To which I rolled my eyes thinking a.) when do you ever need to "lower your voice" in a room full of 7 year-olds, and b.) Lady-that ain't my "teacher voice"-that's just my god-given vocals-I've been talking at that octive since I learned to babble in the first place.  

*Here's to hoping our kid has a good ol' fashioned case of the funnies.  We love to laugh in the Perks household.  It's really a MUST that our child be giggling as he/she exits the womb.  I can't imagine having a kid who doesn't love a good belly laugh as much as we do.  I'd be thrilled if Baby Perks' inherits Daddy's ability to make people laugh.  It's one (of a million) reasons that I love and adore my husband.  He's absolutely hysterical and although I sometimes refrain from laughing at his jokes (somebody has to keep him grounded) he truly was brought on this earth to make people laugh.  He's incredibly talented and disgustingly witty, and I'd be proud to have our child get every bit of his/her funnies from Daddy.

Ok Baby Perks-make a mental note of each of these.  We're counting on you to get the best of our best.

I took the plunge...

I've been dreading it for weeks now.  Maybe even months.  Believe me when I say, I've YET to meet a female who looks forward to this day.   I speculate it's one of those things that many women keep moving further and further down their "To Do" list for fear of the florescent lighting, discovery of unknown cellulite, and bright patterns that hug in all the wrong places.  It seems the only circumstance which can negatively heighten this already nightmarish task is to tack on an almost five month pregnant belly to the escapade.

That's right ladies...it's swimsuit season.  And Mommy Perks is heading to Florida in one week.  And the black string bikini I sported on my senior year of college spring break trip to Acapulco, Mexico WON'T be  making the trip this year.  

Oh no-I've conveniently buried any and all remnants of each of my swimsuits into the "won't-be-wearing-you-for-awhile" storage box.  My swim suits which possess the following descriptions: 2-piece, string bottom ties, strapless, low-cut, low-rise, triangle top, open back or any other un-mommy-to-be-like characteristics have been placed in the "I'll get back there someday" hope chest of dreaming I'll defy the odds and return to a bikini-ready post-baby body.

So today I took the plunge.  I slapped on my MJ's (maternity jeans for you new readers) and headed into retail hell in hopes of purchasing a maternity bathing suit.  My aspirations of landing an ensemble that fell somewhere in between the ranks of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover suit and an Alaskan Fur Parka had begun.  The chest tightening began almost immediately.  Thank god for the complimentary orange juice and water the lovely sales ladies offer you as you saunter about belly world because I couldn't decipher if my angst stemmed more from low blood sugar or the  impending reality of my inner thighs seeing the light of day for the first time in a while.  I chugged some tropicana as I made my way to the bathing suit section, keeping tunnel vision, so as not to lay eyes on any of the "I'm 8 months pregnant and look like I have a softball under my shirt" women.  I managed to gather a few potential options, headed for the fitting area and sat down once I got into my dressing room, feeling a bit winded.  

As I peeled off my jeans, I almost pulled out my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the glaring whiteness of my legs.  You undoubtedly don't realize how much you miss your summer sun-kissed body until it's March and you live in Ohio.  As soon as I recovered from the reality that I no longer need the prosthetic belly (yes-you can actually strap on a 7-month or 9-month fake belly while you're trying on clothes if you're in your early stages of pregnancy) I began the "weeding out the duds" process.  I slipped myself in and quickly out of a few "not-in-this-lifetime" choices and finally stumbled upon a tasteful pick that seemed to meet my basic needs.  Black.  V-neck.  Enough coverage to support the baby-feeders as the "milk begins to arrive".  Flattering.  Black.  Not-too-tight.  Comfy for long hours of basking in the sun.   Black.  PERFECT.  I somehow managed to secure swimming/sunbathing attire and live to blog about it.

Which brings me to the present.  The blissful reality that in one short week I will jet set to one of my most favorite places in the whole world.  I get a sheepish grin just thinking about it.  I'll be ditching the dodgy midwest weather to head down south to sunny Florida where the sun is literally always shining.  (Rainstorms in the sunshine state last about t-minus 7 minutes...just long enough to leave the pool, run back to the house for a cold beverage, and re-lather yourself in SPF goodness.)   

Not to mention, this will be Baby Perks' first and only in-utero trip to Florida.  He/She will have to enjoy the sun via my belly (and cute new maternity bathing suit) as I spend long hours by the pool, enjoying the fact that I'll be sans students, stress, and silly Ohio weather.  

Life is INDEED full of perks these days.  (Sometimes it just takes suffering through bathing suit shopping to get to them.)

Fun Fruit Friday!

How's your favorite cyber-baby sizing up these days?  Well, since you're dying to know...

 

I'm at odds once again.  My sweet Baby Perks is currently a similar size with yet another food that I absolutely despise.  Seriously, if you know me at all, then you know I detest sweet potatoes.  Truth be told-I can't even muster up enough holiday spirit to force down this odd "potato" during Thanksgiving dinner in an effort to be festive.  I think part of it might be the fact that I'm way more of a "salty" person than I am a "sweet" person.  (Note-this is in regards to actual food.  I consider myself to be very sweet when it comes to non-food related issues.)  Let me try to explain...

If you want cookies, I want chips.  If you want ice cream, I want high sodium dips.  If you're hosting a cookie baking party, I'll be hosting a Bring-Your-Own-Appetizer party.  Give me cheeseballs and chip dips over cake and cookies any day.

The following description accompanied my weekly fruit update..."Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon."

Go Baby Perks!  Call me a doting new mommy...but seriously-my little one can kick, punch, suck AND swallow.  I mean no big deal, but I'm pretty sure those are all the required skills he/she will need to land themself in a principal's office, a juvenile detention center, or at the very least, on a twisted episode of Jerry Springer.  And the fact is-I couldn't be more proud.

And yes-you read correctly.  Pretty soon, I'll be be able to feel Baby Perks!  This is a pregnancy milestone I simply can't WAIT to reach.  Now, I could devote a whole blog post to getting on my soapbox about the MILLION ways women describe "what it feels like" when you feel the baby move for the first time.  Some call it a "flutter."  Others say it feels like "nervous butterflies."  My own mother said it feels like a "rumbling in your tummy."  Here's the thing-if that's the case, I've been "feeling Baby Perks move" since I was 4 years old.  In other words, I'm still waiting for the defining moment...a moment of certainty when I know for sure that what I'm feeling in my tummy isn't indigestion, gas, or the leftover quarter pounder with cheese I just slammed at lunch.  I know when it happens, I'll know.  And of course, you readers will be among the first to hear about it. 

Now-that being said...let me clear up what may be a trend that's starting to evolve.  JUST because I've been at odds with Baby Perks' last few fruit/veggie comparisons, does NOT mean I'm at odds with my growing bambino.  In fact, Baby Perks and I are falling more in love with every day that passes.  Well, I suppose I can really only speak for myself (although, at this point in my child's short life, I'll take creative license and speak on my little one's behalf) and say we're developing quite the obsession with one another these days.  I guess his or her infatuation with me is probably more based on the current goodness I'm sending his or her way via my umbilical cord.  I mean let's be honest...at this point Baby Perks is already eternally indebted to me for all immune system he/she's been hogging from my body over the past 17 weeks.  

Now me on the other hand, my infatuation with Baby Perks is weird and twisted in the world of women.  There aren't many females in the western world who'd be thanking any individual and/or inanimate object for making their belly expand.  But I personally, couldn't be more thrilled with with the way Baby Perks is making my mid-section bigger by the minute.  He/She can take full responsibility for the "insert-coat-hanger-in-my-mouth" smile that I can't seem to get off my face.  It's true.  The belly is in full effect these days, and people aren't too shy to touch it, rub it, talk about it, and tell me just HOW BIG I'm getting.  Like I said, any other circumstance in the world would have women appalled at people even acknowledging their growing tummy, but when you're pregnant-it's a different story.

Bottom line...Baby Perks-I'm (and always will be) your biggest fan.

*Disclaimer...I've been catching all kinds of heat from loyal LIFOP readers for not posting in 6 days.  Here's the deal-on Sunday night our dear friends Jaime and Scott welcomed their sweet baby girl Emma Elizabeth into the world.  Daddy Perks and I have loved every second of getting to watch some of our best friends in the world cross the threshold into parenthood for the first time...in fact-we're calling it a "dry run" AKA a chance for us to see what we're in for come August.  So since Sunday morning, I've made 4 trips to the hospital, somehow made it through picture day AND St. Patty's day at school (if you're a teacher you know exactly what kind of accomplisment this is) and have managed to somehow make it to Friday in one piece.  It's an accomplishment any pregnant woman would pat themselves on the back for.  

Look forward to the next few days...I'll be posting lots of fun stuff including a belly bump alert, pregnancy soapbox issues I need to get off my chest, pictures of Baby Emma (if the new Mom & Dad will let me exploit their child on the internet) and much, much more.

Check another "first" off the list...

Baby Perks can check yet another holiday off his or her in-utero to-do list.  This morning Mommy Perks had the esteemed pleasure of walking in the Dublin St. Patrick's Day pararde.  Yes-that's right, every teacher's dream is to wake up early on a Saturday morning to walk down a street lined with screaming kids who could care less about who you are, and are way more concerned about the potential sweets you may be throwing their way.

I've decided that parades are nothing more than a lazy form of trick-or-treating for little ones.  Seriously-at least when kids trick-or-treat they're typically looking goofy or adorably dressed as they make their way through suburbia peddling for candy-entertaining the houses they visit.  When it comes to parades, the roles are depressingly reversed. This morning, I picked up on the clear juvenile sentiment that unless I was SpongeBob Squarepants dressed as a shamrock, or the funny looking tuba player in the marching band, these rugrats had no interest in waving to, or screaming at me, but were looking past my simple green garb drooling at the possibilities of the candy I was fisting.

In fact, the most attention I got this morning as my hunter green baby bump and I trudged through a sea of shamrocks and four leaf clovers was a nasty warning from the parade marshall who very kindly said: "Mam, if you wouldn't mind-we'd appreciate if you'd hand the candy directly to the children, rather than chucking it at their heads.  We're trying very hard to maintain the safety of everyone here at the parade."  To which I wanted to retort by saying... "EXCUSE ME Miss-I'm-The-Parade-Marshall-and-am-on-a-really-lame-power-trip-because-I-get-to-wear-a-nerdy-green-vest-and-tell-people-where-to-walk...but since WHEN do you have to hand the candy directly to kids at a parade?  You seemed to have missed the newsflash that half the fun of being a parade-attendee is eagerly waiting as the candy passer-outers walk by so you can trample over your loved ones as you all dive for a single tootsie roll that's lying in a nasty gutter where god knows what liquids have lingered prior to the candy being tossed there!  So if you think I'm gonna stop tossing, throwing, heaving this candy at the little punks who fill my days with endless teachable moments (AKA wiping snotty noses, tying shoes, telling them "No!" for the millionth time while answering "Why?" for for the umpteenth time, all while I smile at their darling little faces thanking God I spend my days with children) then you picked the wrong parade to "marshall" lady, because I'm gonna keep chucking candy at children and enjoy it a little more every second as each piece of Bubble Yum leaves my hand.

Anyway, this morning's parade festivities was another wonderful opportuntiy for me to daydream as I strolled down the street about the many "firsts" I'll get to experience as a new mommy with Baby Perks in the coming years.  As cheesy as parades can feel when you reluctantly march in them; when you look out into the crowds, you witness the beauty of parenting at its finest.  Young fathers who've hoisted their baby girl up on their shoulders in hopes of helping them catch a better view of the action.  Mothers dislodging 17 green tootsie rolls from the mouths of their rotten toddlers who are convinced that if they don't eat them all at once they'll disappear into thin air.   The priceless moments we parents live for.   

It's crazy to think about all the "in-utero" firsts Baby Perks has already had in the short 4 months he or she has existed.*  I think back to Christmas time when we began to tell our nearest and dearest about the amazing news of our little one growing inside me.  Ringing in the new year as Daddy Perks and I looked at each other knowing that 2009 was going be one hell of a year.  There's nothing quite like trying to wrap your brain around the reality that one year you and your hubby are soaking in the bliss of married life and the new home you just purchased, and the next year you're anxiously preparing for the arrival of your baby.  YOUR BABY.  And in case you're wondering...No.  It never seems normal to a first-time mommy that there is a human growing inside her belly.  I often catch myself holding my stomach throughout the day and wonder...what do I think me holding my hand on my tummy is helping to do for my unborn child?  Can he or she feel my hand there?  Is my hand serving as a protective shield from the evil forces of our society?  Who knows...but I know one thing for sure...holding my belly for a few more months can barely tide me over for the excitement I feel at the thought of getting to actually hold my baby come August.

 

*Sidenote to loyal readers...Yes-I'm getting really sick of saying "he or she" every time I refer to the unknown sex of our baby and I'm literally jumping-out-of-my-pants excited for April 3rd to get here so we can finally announce our are little one's gender AND name to the world.  Yes-all in one post.  Life is Full of Perks readers...get ready, the beginning of April is literally going to knock your socks off with all the big reveals that will be happening in the Perks household.

Small steps...

Went back to Babies 'R Us tonight.  Requested a scanner from the registry counter.  Had great intentions of "beefing up" our registry which currently has a whopping 6 items on it.  Registered for nine bottles and 18 nipples.  Felt tired.  Went home.  

And I thought registering for a wedding took it all out of me.  Suddenly the china patterns I deliberated over for hours seem insignificant in comparison to selecting a bottle nipple that will seem most like my boob when my kid is sucking on it.

 

Help.

Take a deep breath...

...as you step inside a Babies 'R Us.  To say that it is an experience would be the understatement of the century.  It doesn't matter what relation you have to the baby... mommy-to-be, daddy-to-be, grandma, honorary aunt, illegitimate father...perhaps you're just late for a girlfriend's baby shower and annoyed because that silly printer just spit out 27 pages  of registry lingo that is directing you to "breast buddy" nursing pillows when all you desperately need to find are the newborn onsies.  Whatever the case may be, when you step foot into this mecca of baby blues and pinks, be prepared to witness some beautiful truths about the baby world.  I'm willing to bet that if you ventured out to your nearest retail baby store right this minute you'd see some version of the following characters:

*Frantic Coupon Lady: We've all been in her shoes.  This poor woman is desperate for a deal and it shows.  We stare as she heaves herself up to the counter with her stack of crumpled coupons trying to weed out the ones that aren't expired or for a different store. Her cart(s) are overflowing with economy size boxes of diapers.  She's either investing in enough pampers to donate to every children's orphanage in Sub-Saharan Africa, or the sunday paper advertised one heck of a deal on huggies and she's stocking up on diapers for not only her offspring, but also for her children's children.  We salute Coupon-Mom, as you attempt to rise above the recession and not let your child's undergarments "poop" you out of house and home.

*Clueless Daddy-to-Be: Awww...we feel bad for this guy from the moment we see him.  He's just trying to catch a breath in between his heart palpations at the cost of a can of formula (suddenly the function of his wife's breasts just took on a whole new meaning of "lucrative") and the sweat beads trickling down his neck at the thought of having to put together: _______________. (Fill in the blank with crib, dresser, armoire, bookshelf, pack 'n play, bassinet, bouncy chair, swing, everyday stroller, jogger stroller, umbrella stroller, carseat, high chair, exersaucer, walker, etc.)  We sympathize with him as he thinks about his impending "honey-do" lists with the baby on the way, but we also know his concerns for "leftover screws" after assembling nine million baby gadgets will go out the window the first time they put that bambino in his arms. 

*Mother-of-newborn baby-and-toddler:  This woman is slightly painful to witness.  You're engulfed with an overwhelming sense of pity as you gaze at the puke-stained 3-day-old sweatpants she's sporting, and a bit concerned as she loses sight of her 2 year-old for the umpteenth time as he/she plays hide 'n seek amidst the endless racks of make-you-wanna-drool-they're-so-cute onsies.  With her newborn baby starving, and her toddler possessing unnerving amounts of energy that she wishes she had a fraction of, she tirelessly searches for the "few" things she needs on her list to get in and get out.  Quite frankly, she's a hot mess.  Her hair hasn't seen a brush in weeks, putting together a matching top and bottom was a feat she sacrificed months ago, and as long as she leaves the store with two children and only one of them is crying, the trip to the store will be deemed a raging success.

*First-time Expectant Mother: I must say, I've got a soft spot for this group...being that I recently joined the ranks myself.  The women in this category have an unspoken bond as we saunter about the store googly-eyed about the endless possibilities we dream of for the creature currently residing in our bellies, smiling for no reason.  We look around at all the delicious outfits and our high hopes to have our kid make the "best dressed" list are dwarfed by our actual hopes and dreams for our little ones.  We know that we've got the world on our shoulders to bring another life into the world and not "screw it up."  Yet, in spite of the daunting pressure this challenge can bring, it somehow subsides as we think about all of the "firsts" we'll soon begin to experience with our baby...the first time you hold him...the first time you kiss her...the first time you feed him...the first time you dress her...the first time you take him on a walk with Daddy in the park...the first time you complete a successful trip to the grocery with her in the shopping cart...the first time they smile...the first time they laugh...the first time they reach for you...the first time you realize that there was nothing else in the world you were meant to do more than be their Mommy.

Life moves pretty fast...especially in a place like Babies 'R Us.  But if you stop and look around, you'll notice that we've all got something in common.  Each of our lives have been touched by a very big thing that comes in a very small package.  And once those little feet step into our big world, we will never, ever be the same.

Fun Fruit Friday...

Oh you're dying to know what a title like "fun fruit friday" could possibly entail...

That's right people...from now on, every Friday I'll be giving you the "fruit-by-fruit" comparison of how Baby Perks is sizing up to his or her fellow babies in the produce section!  (If I'm being honest with myself and my readers, and if you know the Perks Family AT ALL, then you know this kid is destined have a sliver, chunk, large part-oh hell with it-this kid is going to be competitive.  Remember...Mommy Perks is already gunning for the title of "best pusher" in the delivery room?!?  

Anyways, the nifty internet is filled with all kinds of strange ways to "size-up" your baby, so I thought...why not go with fruit? We all love a nice piece of citrus every now and again right?  I know I've been trying to eat a lot of it these days.  I think Baby Perks enjoys oranges and strawberries most-just like Mommy.

So-drumroll please...
So isn't that fancy?!?  My child is currently being compared to what can only be classified as the "armpit" of the produce section.  Oh come on-you know you were thinking it.  Who wakes up on a sunny saturday morning, yawns, and thinks...welp, better peel and enjoy a quick avacado before I get my 5-miler in!  That's right-NOBODY.  Now of course, you have to realize, in week 15 our child was a navel orange, and I'm sure in the weeks to come he/she will rise back up into the proud rankings of fruits and vegetables that people actually give a damn about.  However...for our child to be known as an "avacado" on the first official "Fun Fruit Friday" is an utter disappointment.

Tune in next week,  as I try to pick up the pieces of my little one's broken ego.  He or she is currently rolling thier eyes at me for the first time in their life.

Wanna See Baby Perks?!?

Read the previous post to see a the first official ultrasound picture of Baby Perks...I added in the ultrasound shot that left Daddy Perks bragging about our little one's spine...enjoy.

"Best Lookin' Spine"...

Well, we had two visits to the doctor this week-one was expected, one was not.

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that over the weekend I was suffering from some wicked headaches.  Some so bad, that on Sunday these headaches migraines caused me to relive my morning sickness glory days.  That's right folks, it was back to the porcelain gods for Mama Perks.  Well, I should clarify...the first time I threw up was actually in Daddy Perks' car in a crumpled up Wendy's bag.  Thank god Daddy Perks often uses the front seat of his car as a dropping place for the remnants of his on-the-go eating habits.  But the subsequent times were actually in the comforts of my own home.  Nothing says HOT MESS like not even being able to keep down an innocent can of Chicken & Stars soup.  Yes-apparently I'm 5 year's old, and to eat chicken noodle soup, I need the needles to be shaped like stars.  (Take moment to think about the yummy juvenile foods you still partake in.  See!  You thought of at least one!)  

Anyhow, by Monday morning Daddy Perks was ready to make use of the fact that we've got a hospital in walking distance of our house, but I told him to hold off so that I could see my own Doc.  Our wonderful OB informed me that about 1 in 10 women suffer from migraines in the 2nd trimester.  (God forbid, I reside in the group of 90 freakin % of women that bypass this lovely symptom.)  Well needless to say, after he took one look at me he prescribed me what can only be described as crack in an orange bottle.  It's apparently a medicine that was developed especially for pregnant women who suffer from migraines.  At this point I want to take a moment to thank "Dr.-I'm-so-smart-I-figured-out-a-way-around-the-fact-that-knocked-up-women-aren't-supposed-to-have-any-drugs" for developing this magical pill.  After taking it, within minutes I felt like all the little silver balls that had been rolling around in my head laughing in my face went away.  So that was the UNEXPECTED visit.

Then, yesterday, we trotted back to the OB for our planned 16 week appointment and another lovely treat.  Now this treat didn't come in an orange bottle...but it was way better.  We got to have an ultra sound and see Baby Perks!  Now keep in mind, this is how the appointment went down.  Daddy Perks and I are in the examining room waiting...he's commenting on how there are NEVER any good magazines for men at these places, (imagine that-the OBGYN office doesn't subscribe to Esquire & GQ) we watch the nurse come in and prep the ultra sound machine...yes-very "Knocked Up"-esque...she puts that jelly-like substance on the wand that will later go in my you-know-where and then we wait for the Doc.  Now, when he comes in he and Daddy Perks strike up a convo about how my hubby does stand-up and improv comedy and 25 minutes later their still bantering back and forth and I was like "HELLO-can I see my child now?!?"   Once the babe was up on the screen for us to see, Daddy Perks made a very astute observation.  "Wow, honey look!  The baby's all curled up in the fetal position."  At which point our OB looked at him, rolled his eyes,  and said, (insert sarcasm) "Yeah-Dad...where do you think we get the expression 'fetal position' from?!?"  HAHAHA.  It was priceless.

Anyways, it was insane because we could literally see our little one so clearly, loud and proud.  Everything from the organs down to every last bone in his/her spine.  In fact, Daddy Perks took our ultra sound pix out into the lobby and started bragging to all the receptionists, (who he thinks have major crushes on him) telling them that his child has the best lookin' spine that he's ever seen.  They of course all laughed and I of course rolled my eyes.  Not because I don't agree...it's true-our child does have one hell of a spine.  But I told Daddy Perks if he's not careful, they're going to red-flag our files because every time we come into the office we make such production about how perfect our baby is...as if they haven't heard that before.



We'll find out April 3rd if we are having a baby boy-perks or a baby girl-perks...and YES, we will be revealing the name FINALLY.  We've kept our lips sealed tight as to our favorite names...so tight that we literally haven't mentioned them to a single soul besides each other.  We can't wait!

Happy Thursday Y'all.

I'm waiting...

Dear 2nd Trimester,

 I have a bone to pick with you.  I am writing to inform you that I'm ready for all the "perks" that pregnant women brag about once they reach the 2nd trimester...

*Energy...where are you?!?  You're not hanging out in my body-that's for sure.  I still prefer lounging on the couch and mid-day naps.  I'm still waiting for my typical spring fever itch to get out and get a good run in-and so are my love handles and inner thighs.  The stuffiness of the gym is starting to get to me, and aside from my weight-training days, I'd rather not step foot in the lovely local where I'm known as that "pregnant girl who had to be hooked up to oxygen a few weeks ago." 

*Sick-free Days...well to be honest, I had been bragging about how my days of throwing up were long-gone.  In fact, it had been two months TO THE DAY  since the last time I'd upchucked...until today that is.  Nothing like an innocent trip to Chipotle with your hubby to remind you that your body is no longer your own.  Coupled with an excructiating headache, there's nothing like frantically searching for an empty something-or-other in the passenger side of your hubby's car to spew into as you simultaneously formulate your order for your burrito bowl.  (Rice, chicken, no beans, mild & hot salsa, a little sour cream, cheese, and lettuce-in case you were dying to know.)  

*Nesting...not in my house.  Oh no-these days the Perks are in a constant battle to stay on top of laundry and general household maintenance.  I often daydream about a day when I could hire a live-in housekeeper who could perform the following daunting tasks: laundry (including: washing, folding, hanging, putting away, and hiding the items which I no longer fit into that seem to continually laugh in the face of my ego, reminding me "long gone are the days of flat tummies Mommy Perks,) dishes, sterilizing bathrooms, vacuuming, making beds, grocery shopping, daily massages (foot and back), and just a person who would listen to the trials and tribulations of a hormonal pregnant woman when Daddy Perks isn't around.

*Speaking of hormones...let's work together to get these in check ASAP.  The emotional highs and lows are killing me. One minute I could burst I'm so overwhelmed with joy at the thought of our little one getting here.  And the next minute...STEER CLEAR.  I've already had to eliminate several typical rituals in my day to avoid them leading me to complete hysterics.  I've made mental notes not to watch the news for fear that they may be doing a feature story on a mother who's taking care of her baby after having both her arms and legs amputated. Or a follow-up on an elephant who was dying of cancer until it was reunited with it's atypical best friend-a golden retriever.  It's bad people.    And poor Daddy Perks has taken this emotional roller coaster ride with me...and god love him-I think he's ready to leave this theme park and have his wife back again.

Is it possible that we could come to some type of understanding?  A "Deal or no Deal" sorta thing?  Give it some thought and get back to me at your earliest convenience.  

Love,

Mommy Perks